22: Talk about your worst fear. Being not enough. Being in crowd places. Being compared. My anxiety. Myself.
oh god this is gonna be hard. My worst fear is actually…. being homeless one day. I want to go home to my flat or house, but I don’t want my home to be the streets. I like homeless people, they are nice (most of the time) but I don’t want to be one, you know?
Being not enough. I think that’s my second worst fear. I’m so so so scared that I’ll never be enough or my work and what I have ever done and will ever do will not be enough. I’m so scared that I won’t live up to my own and other people’s expectations, I kind of set myself under a lot of pressure to always do it best and get it to perfection even if it gets me angry or frustrated as long as it’s good.
Being in crowd places. I don’t know, I don’t really like it but I don’t get claustrophobic. It’s just when there are too many people I just want to go outside and take a deep breath and lay down for a sec cause it sort of stresses me and wears me out, worse than a long run.
Being compared. Ahh yes, a wonderful topic. My friends and close relatives don’t really compare me, but I do. I know it’s silly, but I do. For example: When I was younger (I actually still do that now), I often sat down with my mother and we’d draw and stuff, and I always compared my result with her result. Although she is 27 yrs older than me and she has a lot more practice, I still did and I sort of hurt myself. I still do that. I know my work isn’t as good as hers, but I still want it to be. That comes with being sort of a perfectionist.